I Love You This Much
by Skidoodle-Snickerdoodle
Summary: Sometimes the ones closest to us can be holding back a deep and terrible secret. Loved ones can be suffering right under our noses unnoticed. This is a oneshotsongfic dedicated to everyone who has had to live with an abusivealcoholic loved one. Joey's att


**A.N. Welcome to my first entry onto Fanfiction(dot)net! I'm very happy to be here! expects applause lol Let's see, I've wandered around this site for a little over a year reading stories and reviewing them with silly nicknames. But this is the first time I've ever submitted writing here. 0.o Come to think of it, this is the first time I've ever completely finished one of my writings...hopefully by becoming part of this site I'll become more regular. blink Erm, sorry about ranting. I'm just very excited. Well, anyways, this is a songfic oneshot based off of I Love You This Much by Jimmy Wayne. Beautiful song. I cry when I hear it. I hope you enjoy this little tidbit and I can't wait to keep writing! 2/12/06**

The silence of the room was shattered literally as the bottle shattered against the wall a foot away from the small boy's head. Joey's head snapped around to see his father leaning against the doorway with a dirty plate in his left hand and his right arm pitched forward, undoubtedly where the bottle had come from. The scared boy's eyes returned to the wall where liquid ran down the ruddy wall. The stench of stale alcohol filled his senses as he turned around once again to see his father looming over him. He was, without a doubt, drunk.

"What do you think this is, boy?" The callused hands held the grubby plate an inch from the poor boy's face as the drunk man's words came out slurred but nonetheless menacing.

"I-it's a plate, sir, I-" The boy's trembling words were cut short as a loud slap rang through the apartment. The small boy squinted as hard as he could to try to shutter out the pain and keep the tears from coming.

"Don't play dumb with me, Joey. I know it's a plate. I'm not stupid, boy. Why is there dirt on it? Why aren't the dishes done?"

"I'm sorry, Father, it's just that I have a lot of homework and a test to study for and I-" Another slap managed to knock the child to the floor. He just sat there, rubbing his sore cheek, afraid to get up. He didn't have a choice in the matter, however, when his father wrenched him up mercilessly by the front of his shirt.

"NO EXCUSES!" the drunk man bellowed as he hurled the plate at the ground where it shattered into hundreds of pieces. " I have raised you to be a clean child! You have no right to make excuses!" Joey, hesitiating, took a small scan of the filthy apartment. 'Clean' wasn't exactly the first thing that came to his mind when he saw it.

A harsh shake brought the child's attention back to the drunken man whom he used to love calling his father. "I want this place cleaned up by the time I get back." He dropped the boy to the floor and headed to the door, stopping once to look his son in the eye. "You know what will hit the fan if I come back and this hole isn't spotless."

Joey sighed and stood up as he heard the door click. "Oh, Father..." was all he said as he solemnly began to clean up the mess his father had made.

_He can't remember_

_The times that he thought_

_"Does my daddy love me?_

_Probably not."_

As the little boy continued to clean, he couldn't help smiling as he thought about before. But a harsh sadness also flooded him.

_"Well kid, it looks like it's just you and me now. No turning back." They got into the old car as they packed the last bag. "I'm gonna miss this place. Your mother, Serenity, it all." The man rested his head on the sterring whell and let out a stifled sob._

_The little boy in the passenger's seat gently leaned over and sat his head on the man's lap. "You still have me, Daddy."_

_The man looked at him and choked out a chuckle, gently ruffling the child's blonde hair. "You and I, Joey, will make a great team. Just you wait. We'll be living like princes."_

_Joey smiled and sat up, buckling his seatbelt and grinning. "Bachelor princes! We'll live in our own bachelor pad palace!"_

_Mr. Wheeler hooted with laughter as he temporarily forgot his sadness. "Ah, that's my boy!" He slapped his son a high five as he started up the engine. "You and I, we're gonna get along just fine." Then he turned to his son with the utmost seriousness on his face. "Joey, we're on our own now. But it's not gonna be all easy from here on out. There are gonna be some tough times ahead, you hear me?" He smiled sadly as Joey nodded and buckled his own seatbelt. "Good, cuz us men have to look out for each other, right?"_

_"Promise, Dad!" Joey said eagerly._

_"Me too, son, me too." They took one last look at their old home, their old life. Then they both smiled and threw back their heads to the open sky. "Let's raise some hell tonight, kid! We're gonna turn this town upside down!"_

_Joey laughed and screamed his turn, "Look out World! The Wheeler men are on the prowl!" They both howled like wolves as the car sped off to their new life._

_But that didn't stop him_

_From wishin' that he did_

_Didn't keep him from wanting_

_Or worshipping him._

He was snapped out of his memory as he heard a rustle at the door. He realized it was dark and tossed out the last of his mess as he heard a grunt and saw a silhouette collapse onto the couch.

The moonlight shone through the window to reveal his father's face, twisted and distorted as he lay passed out on the couch. Joey shook his head, knowing that, come tomorrow, his father was going to be burdened with a killer headache.

He quietly moved to put the 24-pack of beer that his father had brought home into the refrigerator. 10:52 P.M. read the clock.

Joey returned to the living room to see his father's face had lost some of its distortion. His breathing signalled a fit rest, and by looking at him, you would never believe him to be such a monster drunk. Joey sighed, knowing that it was only a temporary state. The morning to come he would wake with a roaring hangover from all of the drinking the previous night, and to kill it all, he'd go and drink some more.

The boy silently crept to his father's bedroom to retrieve a blanket and returned to the living room where his father continued to sleep. He gently draped the warm cloth over his father's body to keep him from catching cold. As he started to leave, he did something he hadn't done in a while. He gently leaned over and gave his father a small kiss on the cheek as he felt his eyes tear up.

He managed to control a stifled gasp as a hand quickly grasped his wrist. Terrified, he looked over at his father's face, but he continued to sleep. His grip was gentle, but when Joey tried to pull away he was held firmly. Joey looked back at his father's face to see tears in his eyes.

Joey's eyes widened as he heard his father's voice, quiet and surprisingly gentle. "Son, don't ever let this happen to you. Please, don't make the same mistake I did. Your mother was a beautiful person, and I screwed up. I didn't deserve her. Promise me."

Not knowing what to do as his father was somehow still asleep, he nodded and pulled his wrist away, even though his father couldn't see him nod.

Feeling his eyes begin to water, he ran to his room as fast as he could, more confused than ever.

_He guesses he saw him_

_About once a year_

_He can still feel the way he felt_

_Standing in tears_

The next morning Joey woke with a tearstained face to a groaning from the living room. "Good morning, Dad," he called as he entered the living room to see his father preparing for work.

"My head is killing me..." Mr. Wheeler said as he put on yhis boots for work. This was one of the few times Joey got to see his father sober, and he cherished it. He just wished his dad didn't have to be in so much pain when he wasn't drinking.

The boy handed his father an aspirin before folding the blanket on the couch and preparing for school.

"...what time did I come in last night?" the man asked his son while adjusting his watch.

"About 11:00. You were so tired that you just crashed on the couch." He left out the other details of the night.

"You should get ready for school. The bus will be here pretty soon. The last thing we need is a teacher nagging at us about how you're tardy."

Joey tied his shoes when he finally decided to speak up. "Dad, when is this going to end?"

Mr. Wheeler turned to his son. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean, Dad! When are we going to get out of this hole? This pattern? When is life going to ever be any better!" His voice dropped so it could barely be heard. "When are you going to stop drinking?"

His father was silent for some time. Finally, "Finish getting ready. The bus is here."

Joey glared at him, but his father would not look at him. As his father headed out the door and the bus honked for Joey to hurry up, he left the apartment headed towards the bus, keeping his eyes on his father's retreating form, fully aware that this would be the last time today that he'd see his father sober. A wave of misery washed over him.

_"Son, don't ever let this happen to you. Please, don't make the same mistake I did. Your mother was a beautiful person, and I screwed up. I didn't deserve her. Promise me."_

_Stretching his arms out_

_As far as they'd go_

_Whispering, "Daddy,_

_I want you to know..."_

"I promise you, Dad."

_"I love you this much_

_And I'm waiting on you_

_To make up your mind_

_Do you love me too?_

_However long it takes_

_I'm never givin' up_

_No matter what_

_I love you this much."_

Six years later and now sixteen years old, sophomore Joey Wheeler was walking to his apartment with his best friend, Tristan Taylor.

"So, what are ya getting the old man for his birthday this year?" Tristan asked his friend.

Joey snorted. "Same thing I get 'im ev'ry year. Jack squat." He kicked a rock lying on the pavement to emphasize his point. "Like he needs anything. S'long as I show up with a pack of beer everyday, he thinks it's his birthday all year round."

Joey's father was still a severe alcoholic, and if anything, he only got worse over the years. Joey, however, had stayed true to his word those six years.

But Joey was not the same person he was six years ago. He no longer cared about school or his grades, he frequently fought, and up until a couple months ago he had been a major bully. It wasn't until after he met Yugi Mutou, whom he aslo enjoyed picking on, that he stopped his bullying ways.

"Don't you think you should get him something? After all, he is your father."

"He's no father. He'd be better off dead. He's just a drunken old man. He hates me, and I hate him." He shut his eyes to convince himself that he was not lying.

_He grew to hate him_

_For what he had done_

_Cause what kind of father  
Could do that to his son?_

Later that night, he and Tristan were camped on Joey's apartment floor playing videogames and eating snacks. Joey was beating the crap out of Tristan's virtual fighter when the phone rang. Scowling, he got up and loped over to the counter, picking up the phone while opening the refrigerator door.

"Yeah, what?" As he looked through the meager foods in the fridge, his eyes became wide and he leaned out of the chillbox, shutting the door. "I'm sorry, could you repeat that? ...Yeah, okay, Oh my God. Okay, yes, thanks for calling. No, no it's okay, I'll be down tomorrow. Okay. Thanks. Bye." He hung up the phone and slunk over to the couch where he sat down mechanically and stared at nothing.

"You okay, dude?" Tristan asked him. "What's up, man? You look like you've seen a ghost." What he heard next made him spit out his drink.

"My old man's dead. He was driving home when he drove into a tree. He was going 88 miles per hour. The car's engine exploded on impact." His face was pale and he spoke in a slow monotone.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Was he-"

"Drinking?" Suddenly, to Tristan's surprise, Joey started to crack up. "Hell yeah, man! 17 drinks a bartender said! And they weren't no Shirley Temples, neither!" He was laughing uncontrollably, as if he thought all this highly amusing.

"You okay, Joey? Maybe I should go." He didn't get an answer. Joey was laughing too hard. "I'll come check up on you tomorrow."

As soon as Tristan was out of the apartment, Joey doubled over, racked with sobs. "Why Dad, why? Things could've changed!"

He curled up into a ball on the floor and let his cries of anguish lull him to sleep.

_He said "Damn you, Daddy,"_

_The day that he died_

_The man didn't blink_

_But the little boy cried._

_I love you this much_

_And I'm waiting on you_

_To make up your mind_

_Do you love me too?_

_However long it takes_

_I'm never givin' up_

_No matter what_

_I love you this much._

Joey became ill with grief and was not able to attend his father's funeral. This of course made him even sicker, even with his friends trying to cheer him up. They knew that he needed them now more than ever, but he just kept pushing them away. They were literally having to take care of him. He wouldn't eat, sleep, drink, or anything. He just sat there on that couch, clutching something of his father's. At one point, Tristan tried to get the item away from him. The only response he got was a black eye and bloody nose.

A week passed and he still sat there, until a tape arrived from someone he recognized. Hesitating for a moment, he put the tape into the VCR and was shocked to see who it was.

"Hellow big brother. It's been a while, hasn't it?" It was a girl with red hair and sad eyes. Joey wondered if she knew of their father's death.

"Serenity..."

"I just wanted you to see me again. It's been six years. I don't have a lot of time left. I just wanted to see my big brother one last time. I love you Joey, and I hope to see you before it's too late."

Joey's attention strayed from the girl on the tape. He knew what he had to do, and he couldn't just sit and mope forever.

_Halfway through the service_

_While the choir sang a hymn_

_He looked up above the preacher_

_And he sat and stared at Him._

He sat on the roof of Domino High School when he noticed Yugi come up behind him. "I got a tape from my sister today."

"You have a sister?" Yugi asked him as he sat down next to his best friend.

"Yeah, but I haven't seen her in six years."

"Since your parents split?"

Joey nodded. "She was born with poor eyesight, and the doctors said that with time she'd eventually go blind. I took her to the beach one day when we were little. I promised that someday I'd take her back there when her eyes got better." He bowed his head. "She doesn't have a lot of time left, Yuge. She's almost blind now and she's just getting worse." He squinted away tears. "She said on the tape that she wanted to see me one last time."

"I'm sorry, Joey."

"But there's a way I can help, Yugi! There's an operation the docotors could perform to help her!" He sighed. "But it costs a lot of money. I don't think that I could make it in time to save her."

Yugi put a hand on his shoulder and smiled at him. "Maybe not alone, but togehter we can. Don't worry, Joe. Your sister will get her wish."

"But Yuge-"

"No buts, Joey. I promise you."

Joey smiled. "Thanks, Yuge." And this promise he believed would be kept.

_And he said, "Forgive me, Father,"_

_When he realized_

_That he hadn't been unloved_

_Or alone all his life._

For the first time in a long time, Joey Wheeler entered his apartment with a smile on his face. As he kicked off his shoes he noticed a letter on the counter. It wasn't addressed, but his curiosity got the better of him. When he opened it up, a picture fell to the floor. He bent down to pick it up and realized that it was a picture of Jesus Christ. Confused, he began to read the letter and his eyes soon filled with confusion, and then tears.

_Dear Joseph,_

_I am so sorry, my son. For everything. I know that I wasn't half the father I should have been, or could've been. I did it again. I screwed up, son, just like when I lost your mother, but this time I lost you. I lost my son's love, and it was all my fault. If I could do it all again, I would. We truly would've made a great team, you and I. We woulda raised hell in our bachelor pad palace. I let you down, my son. I promised I'd always look out for you, but I lied. Thanks for being a bigger man than I was and always looking out for me. I'm blessed. Please find it in your heart to forgive me, son. I promise for real this time that I'm always going to be here for you. Just look up at the sky. I'm there._

Joey made his way to the window and what he saw shocked him, and he smiled. Yes, his father was there.

_His arms were stretched out_

_As far as they'd go_

_Nailed to the cross_

_For the whole world to know..._

He looked back down at the letter and what he saw next made his throat tighten. He slowly slid to the floor as he let out a sob. But he didn't cry out of sadness. He cried because after all of these years he had an answer.

_I love you, my son. With all of my heart I love you, Joseph._

_Your father_

_I love you this much_

_And I'm waiting on you_

_To make up your mind_

_Do you love me too?  
However long it takes_

_I'm never givin' up_

_No matter what_

_I love you this much._

"I love you, too, Father. I really do."

_I love you this much._

**A.N. There you have it! I hope you liked it. This story is dedicated to a friend very dear to me who had to go through much of this, and also dedicated to everyone in the world who must live with the sadness of an abusive alcoholic-induced family member. God bless you all. **

**Skidoodle**


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